Hot Dates

I have a hot date tonight. When I told my boyfriend this last night, he gave me a look of disdain before shaking his head and returning to the pages of Vanity Fair (the one with Paris Hilton on the cover). I said, "You're not even interested in who it's with?" He shrugged, looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his and said, "Should I be?"

It's with one of my best girlfriends in the city. She's from NC too, we were in the same sorority, and we share the same love of Italy and cheap food. But what's been hard is trying to figure out how to move forward in making friends that are not NC friends, that aren't from the same school or area or hometown or whose parents know my parents. I imagine that if I were going to bars or concerts or even clubs every night I would come across someone to hang out with but it would also be someone who geniunely enjoys going to bars/concerts/clubs every night and while I don't mind a couple of times a week, I can't be out til 4 a.m. on a Wednesday night anymore. Plus once cold weather hits, I hibernate. Making it more ironic that I moved to a city that can hit 44 degrees in September. Ah, the sacrifices we make to be a cool New Yorker.

So we're heading out to dinner and a movie tonight. Which is what I used to do with my boyfriend. I remember our first summer of dating (we've been together more than 2 years) when nothing was solid and I would get nervous waiting for my phone to ring, waiting for his voice to be on the other end. When it was it was a thrill unlike any other. I would spend a couple of hours getting ready, prepping to look like I always looked like this and didn't care what he thought. I have a feeling a lot of other girls do the same thing, and guys too. When he smiled at me I had butterflies. Not that I don't now, but they're not the same. They're the butterflies of loving someone so intensely for this long.

Now we date, but only occasionally. We head out to dinner about once or twice a week and most of the time, like a Southern gentleman he pays. But movies are only an occasional pleasure. The poverty of living in a city that charges most of my paycheck just to have keys to a door here make it more difficult for him to pay for everything we do together. At first i was a little upset, thinking, for some reason, that he should still pay for everything, worrying that if he stopped it would mean he was taking me for granted, not seeing me as the "Uncommon" creature that The Rules ask that we be seen as. Stupid thought, I know. He wasn't even working when he moved up here. And he moved up here mostly to be with me. So really I should count myself lucky to have dates even occasionally.

Because I've discussed dating with people who live here and gotten essentially the same response. That it sucks. That it's lonely and difficult and guys mostly want to buy you a drink to get into your pants. No one wants to commit. No one wants to hold hands walking through Central Park (like my great-aunts did with their "beaus" in the forties). No one even wants to label anyone else. Eight million people in this city, new people coming in all the time to balance out the people moving to Connecticutt and yet it's hard to find a date for Saturday night. Just dinner and a movie with maybe coffee afterwards. Or skipping the cab to walk in the new fall air. That's what all the movies portray, isn't it? That New York is nothing but a city full of love. An Affair to Remember? She couldn't WALK and yet still got a date. Sleepless in Seattle? Meg Ryan not only stalked Tom Hanks but was engaged to someone else. Someone else who was willing to give her a Tiffany Ring. So she got that and a guy who flew across the country to meet her at the top of the Empire State Building (so what if it was really his kid that set them up?) There is nothing BUT love.

In reality, I have tons of single girlfriends and some single guy friends. They go out, try to meet people, and seem to fail at finding the right person to fit them . Two of them even use craigslist to pick up dates. I used to be firmly against internet dating but now I understand. It's out of desperation to meet someone, anyone, who wants to date the old fashioned way. The guy who's willing to meet for lunch or drinks first, THEN move it to dinner. And if all goes well, back to someone's apartment. I'm not sure if that's the same as meeting someone at the top of the Empire State building with a Tiffany ring, but it's something.