Quarter Century Crisis?

We can't be sure that that's what I'm having, but I have been having all the symptoms: trouble sleeping, desire for sweets and chocolate, major desire for caffeination, feeling my life isn't going anywhere, addiction to really nice handbags, and large "Jewish-lady" sunglasses. I wonder if someone's trying to give me a sign. TO PULL IT TOGETHER. Obviously cake and louis vuitton aren't really going to fix my problems, but in my mind they don't hurt. I was in Louis Vuitton the other day (Just Looking, Of Course) and said something about how often I came in here, and how addictive LV was. The saleslady leaned towards me and said, "We have customers who come in almost every day." Can you imagine marching into Louis Vuitton four or five times a week? Can you imagine how much money they must spend in there? It's insane. Really.

I mean, here I am, in an outfit pieced together from Gap and H&M and calmly looking at bags that cost upwards of $1000. May I remind you I haven't paid my taxes yet? Wow. Sometimes I even stun myself. And yes, I admit that I do love expensive bags and shoes and sunglasses, but ther eare reasons behind that, I'm sure. When I think of them I'll let you know. Do I even need a reason beyond a desire to always look chic? And I find it no coincidence that my favorite brands are French and Italian. Those people know what they are doing with the clothes industry. I keep imagining someone dropping a whole lot of money in my lap and have to say I can't think about being completely financially responsible with it. You can, to an extent, but then you need to treat yourself to something wonderful and absurd.

The problem with this scenario, is that I haven't had that much money fall into my lap. Turns out I'm just an average struggling twenty-something in the city. Pretending to be Rachel or Carrie but instead coming out more like the homeless bag lady extra. She probably made more for that role than I will this month. Which makes me think that maybe I am going through some sort of crisis. I wonder how many other people heading towards their mid twenties are in the same position. We are wanderers. The minimum wage hasn't gone up since 1996, gas prices are skyrocketing (not that it makes a difference when you live in the city), jobs are scarce, and the ones that are available don't pay anything. It's ridiculous for a twenty-something with a college degree to be working as an unpaid intern while waitressing somewhere yet it happens all the time. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I've never lived in a city where the wealth division is so obvious. No one believes in being discrete about it. There are plenty of good things to come out of this place- great actors, amazing designers, awesome cheap chinese food from Canal street.

Maybe it's less about being a crisis and more about pulling it together on our own. Learning to stand on two feet without our parents holding our hands, learning to accept the disappointment that comes with struggling. Learning that we are being built up, I hope, for something much better.