Reproduction

I know that this is really just supposed to be about my experiences in New York, but it all kind of works itself out and blends together because this does matter in context of my life in New York. Several of my friends are going through divorces, or are divorced. I know that statistically it makes sense but when it's happening to people you know and love it's much harder. ANd I hate those people that tell them to work it out. How can anyone judge what is best for a marriage? I know that when children are involved, it probably is best to make sure that soemthing as final as a divorce is healthy. But when you're young and it's just the two of you and you have no assets, getting a divorce is emotionally heart wrenching but understandable.

One of my friends who is going through is just finding out who he and his wife really are. They probably shouldn't have gotten married so young, maybe he should have gone to grad school first, but what's done is done and the only thing left is moving forward. Then he finds out that an issue they had agreed on was never really agreed on. They had agreed not to have children. With overpopulation and the encumberment of diapers and bottles, mixed with her adopted background and their desire to travel, it made sense. Then, recenttly when he is with her she tells him she does in fact want to have kids, just not with him. That he's depressed and there are genetic connections and she doesn't want her children to have to deal with that. Of course he points out that since she was adopted, she doesn't know enough of her family background to be sure that there isnt anything in there. Then he says something that few people really say. He says "So What?" So what if he isn't perfect and has all these problems in his life. Is that a reason not to have children?

I haven't heard that in a long time. My own mother discourages me from raising a family on a regular basis because of my struggles with depression and eating disorders throughout my life. She throws out there that there are genes for alcoholism and addiction in my family background and do I really want to spread that on. So I always thought that I couldn't have children. That I would be doing the world a disservice by having them. Surprisingly I've always wanted to adopt babies. I think that there is no reason a child who is already here and needs to be loved should struggle so that selfish forty somethings can spend thousands on in-vitro in order to produce their own babies.

Then I thought about the stigma of depression and mental illness. People with mental illness, at least severe mental illnesses are discourage from having children. Yet I read all the time about women with breast cancer who give birth to daughters and people with diabetes having children. I have trouble understanding how that is acceptable. If anything my own parents should have given more thought to having children- with every family member having cancer at some point or another, strong ties to circulation problems and diabetes, heart trouble, it would have made sense for them to throw the idea out. But the biological urge to reproduce was so strong they did it anyway.

Ironically one of my friends recently told me she wouldn't adopt because she wouldn't want to take on whatever weird problems the child might have. I almost think it's better that way. Definitely better than purposely bringing a child into the world who you know stands a high chance of physical defects and illnesses such as cancer, diabetes, congenital heart problems. How is that any different than bringing in a child who has a chance of developing depression?

I pointed out to my mother that I'm probably the best prepared future mother in the world. That since I have experienced debilitating depression, eating disorders that wrecked my life for years, I would know what to look for. My parents certainly did. Back to my friend- he's right. There isn't any reason for his wife (soon-to-be-ex) to assume he would be a worse father than anyone else in our gene pool. With all these crazy mutants coming out of in-vitro and surrogate mothers and being born to chemically impounded 50 year olds, it would actually be nice to have more children that come about the regular way, bringing with them normal diseases, born at a healthy weight to young, healthy parents.

New England is a lot further than I thought

So for some reason I've always believed the whole Northeast is squished up into one little area of the country, thus making travel in and among the states really simple. No wonder the Mayflower Pilgrims decided to stay in Massachusetts regardless of the horrible weather and worse food situation. Beats trying to make it across the country. Before when I said that they should have headed south I thought I was off base. Until I was invited to Vermont for the weekend.

In my head it seemed easy. I would hop on a train and take a ride, maybe lasting a few hours, straight through the state to Burlington. Too bad the ride I was referring to would last a minimum of 7 hours (in a car I don't have) or 9-10 hours (via train or bus). Since I hate riding longer than 6-7 hours, it sucks to think I have to go to all that trouble just to get to a state that is tiny and close by (Just look at the map!) Makes me wish the high-speed trains of Europe all over again. It's crazy to put that much effort into going somewhere for literally two days. Plus in order to fully enjoy the weekend I would have to take a day off work (another option that's not really an option). Wow, the things we do for our friends.

It's just weird. I always heard about people living in New Jersey and Connecticutt and even Pennsylvania and commuting to New York City and it never seemed to be that much of an ordeal. So why is it that things are so much further than they seem? While I understand trying to get to Maine might be a long and exhausting process, I can't see how going to Burlington Vermont could possibly take that much effort.But it is. A TEN HOUR BUS RIDE? A few years ago my friend spent three days on a Greyhound and nearly lost her mind. Really.

I think that all the cartographers responsible for maps of the Continental United States be required to express how unrealistic the maps are. Yes, I know it's not really half an inch, but the scales never make sense without a ruler. What they could do is just have printed in red across the top "IT'S A LOT FURTHER THAN YOU THINK." That's the kind of map I'd like to buy.

3000 Condoms

I knew that would get your attention. In the 21st century safe sex is not only vital, it is easy to obtain. Not that Ii'm encouraging sleeping around, because I'm definitely not, but did you know that the New York City health department will send as many free condoms as you want to a business or dormitory? I didn't until B's neighbor called up as a joke and ended up with literally 3000 on his doorstep. I kid you not. So they were going to have a party and hand them all out but he left town, and the condoms, locked up in his apartment. Yes, I guess he really thinks he's going to get lucky.

It got me to thinking about the various free services NYC has to offer. And there are plenty. Boyfriend has a book called "Free and Dirt Cheap in New York" that works on this entire basis that most forms of entertainment can be found for free. Some of it is in higher demand than others- we all saw what happened with Meryl Streep in Central Park's Shakespeare in the Park this summer. People were actually SCALPING free tickets. That's sad. And there are some really nice things in New York that are free, like the Dance Theater in the summer at Lincoln center and the Staten Island Ferry (also I heard that beer on the SIF is only like 3 or 4 dollars). I personally enjoy walking around the city and wandering in and out of stores so over priced I'm surprised I get in, thus feeding my material desires without costing me a dime.

It's funny how when you get up here and actually start to live your life it doesn't matter so much anymore that you can't afford to do a lot of things people think of when thtey come to New York- opera, theater, Pastis on a Friday night. You become excited about finding an amazing Italian place in your neighborhood, when toilet paper is on sale at the grocery store, and when you get through the line at Trader Joes in under 10 minutes (For anyone who has visited the Union Square location you know that's a rarity). THere is always so much going on here. Boyfriend and I can find just about any form of entertainment from a hookah bar to an improv comedy show (they are both abundant). I've also made friends in various areas who are helpful when it comes to finding things to do at a reasonable price- waiters that take off our drinks, bouncers taht remember us from the week before. Those rae really the people you need to know to get around in the city.

I Am Legend

What i like about New York is feeling cool when I have to walk through or around a movie set and can pretend that 1) I see these things all hte time and 2) sigh like they're really annoying (which they are to a certain degree but I have gotten to see Jimmy Fallon up close so it's WORTH IT. The past several weeks a new Will Smith Movie, titled "I am Legend" and based on a book of the same name has been filming all over the city but quite a bit in the downtown area. My guess is it's easier to make the downtown area look dirty and unsafe, since it certainly seems and smells that way a good portion of the time.

They were filming on Mercer St. yesterday when I was walking back from lunch. I had noticed on the way to lunch that there was an exceptional amount of plant matter spread all over the place. I thought it was weird that there was so much of it but whatever, so is Manhattan. When I returned from lunch they were spraying down a variety of cars with dirt to make them look like they were involved in some sort of dirt explosion and there was an awesome table set up on the sidewalk with various types of food nad drink. Naturally however, when i headed that way I was stopped by a very large man with a walkie-talkie who said, "I don't think you're an extra. Are you?" Guess I must have been looking pretty rough, since the premise of the movie is taht Will Smith is the last man on earth, sicne everyone else has been turned into bloodthirsty vampires. It's going to be fantastic, right?

Boyfriend told me that the book is one of his favorites and I was surprised to learn this since usually he treats this kind of thing with scorn. So he was pretty excited and we'll probably track after them this weekend. Anyway, back ot my story. I didnt get to eat any of the cast food, Will Smith was hiding out in a trailer on Spring Street, and i had to get back to work. But I like the thought that in a few months or a year people will get to see where I live and work. I'll definitely go see it. I think it's amazing what these people can do with the wonders of editing and airbrushing.

There is a whole message board sat up on the website to track where they're shooting each day. Literally a ton of NYU students are essentially following the cast and crew all over the city. I'm actually surprised at myself for becoming so used to it so quickly. I remember when I was first here I would stand mesmerized as they shot various parts of the film but I'm not quite that absorbed anymore. I have some other things to do and I know the neighborhood better and understand that it's a popular one. It's amazing to live in the Village, home of some of the most famous Hollywood A-Listers (or second home) and just a fun place to live in general. Did I mention that Philip Seymour Hoffman was at the bar ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APARTMENT the other day? And that SJP lives only about eight blocks from me? Of course, she has a whole house while I have a room that's probably smaller than her bathroom, but you can't be choosy in a city where a million dollars buys you next to nothing in housing.

Searching for Our Past

I keep getting these emails from websites that claim they'll be able to connect me to every person I ever wanted to find from high school. I find it entertaining thatthese places will try to entice me with emails claiming that people have been searching for me and don't I want to know who they are? But it brings me to an interesting issue- what is this obsession we have with our past?

Most of my dreams are very vivid and a lot involve characters I went to school with, lived with, worked with, or had vague contacts with through other people. I remember very clearly a lot of things from school and I'm wondering why anyone would want to relive them. For the most part my school experience was good. I had plenty of friends, made good grades and was okay enough at sports to at least make the team. But there were a lot of things that were terrible- getting in trouble with my parents, having to sneak out to see my high school boyfriend, fights with girlfriends that led to us not speaking for weeks or even months, failing grades (particularly in math), SATs, college visits and applications. It all led to who I am today, and I guess I could say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but I went to my 5 year reunion and was simply amazed at how little we had changed. I thought that college would make my class a more tolerant, better group overall but what I found was that every single one of the girls was exactly the same. The snobs were snobby, the nice girls were nice, and one girl had finally lost her virginity after claiming that she would wait until she was thirty or married. For the most part I was amazed to find that most of hte girls were even LIVING in the same place they had during high school. They had no interest in new experiences whatsoever, in living somewhere that would force them to actually think about who they had become.

I never wanted to be one of those women who are constantly fighting with their high school selves. Like the "mean girls" in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, i was proud of them when they finally realized that they were living the life they wanted to live as opposed to the life that had been assigned them at 18. So many of my "friends" are doing just that, living the life that was picked out for them. Like David Sedaris said, "No matter how successful I am, I am still considered most likely to burn your house down". he went through the same struggles in his family, dealing with what would come of being assigned a place in life practically before you're aware of your own reality and can remember your name.

I guess that's why I find it amazing that there are so many people out there who are looking for each other. Are you trying to remember why you are who you are? Are you trying to remember what it was like to have been chosen Homecoming Queen your senior year? It never fails to amaze me the way people handle themselves when it comes to high school. We become high schoolers again. On MySpace people are constantly 'touching base' with people they knew even vaguely during school. We are happyto hear that the school bully ended up in prison, or that the beauty queen was in a car accident that destroyed her face. Sure we may not admit it and we can pretend all we want, b ut that is the truth, isn't it? We are never above being human.

Maybe I'll become one of those people, out of my mind with the need to find out about the livese of others, to compare myself with them and see who fared better. Or maybe I''ll just believe that we are living the life we make for ourselves, with or without those experiences and people.

Physics Experiments are more fun in NYC

I've seen several high school physics experiments going on in the city over the last few days and have to say they are a lot more interesting in New York. IN NC, we would examine gravity and speed, blah, blah, blah through dropping things out of our second or third or occasionally fourth floor window. Here, I've seen two seperate sets of kids dropping certain htings from maybe the 30-40th floor of their apartment building. Yesterday there were three boys gathered on a fire escape down here in SoHo who were "fishing" and got a gay man right on the back of his Lilly Pulitzer? shirt. It was HILARIOUS. He started screaming at them while they apologized between gasping with laughter. I have to admit I chuckled along with other adults who didn't know where the heck a blob of sticky stuff had come from. Wind is a very powerful element here. Really.

Then today I was on my way back from lunch when I noticed the sweeetest old couple sitting on a bench and staring at one of the huge high-rises that popped up in the middle of Greenwich Village. When I looked up I could faintly make out some sort of blue string dangling. Following that down, I saw three kids huddled over a bright blue ball of yarn, one recording notes while the others argued about something scientific. I stopped to watch for a few minutes when suddenly, as if moved by a puley, a shoe started flying up in to the air on a second piece of blue yarn. It was crazy, since th ball had not seemed to move. But that's what happens, apparently, when you set up a lever system that lightweight on a building that tall- it takes a long time for messages to go back and forth.

Kind of made me want to go back to a science class.