Lauren Greenfield's "Thin"

This is really supposed to be about my experiences as a new New Yorker, but since I've been doing that for so long I think it's time to discuss something real. I ran across "Thin" by accident on Sunday afternoon. I was flipping through channels and happened to hit on it. I had heard it mentioned earlier but then it completely slipped my mind that it was beginning in November. So I watched it yesterday and spent nearly the whole time quiet on my bed staring intently at the TV and even more intently at hte girls who were risking their lives trying to make themselves disappear. It helped me understand how far I've come in the past ten or so years. While I completely agree that once you have a disorder or an addiction you are never "free" from it again, I also understand that I am at the healthiest point I have been in years. I eat- a lot. For real. Yes, I still struggle with compulsive excercise and sometimes with purging but for the most part i am able to hold it together.

And I am so glad. Watching some of the patients- many in their twenties and thirties try to piece their lives back together was heart wrenching. There are plenty of pictures of me from high school and college, looking very thin at times, or having fatter cheeks than normal. But I can't imagine going into the hospital for the fourth or fifth time at the age of 25 or 29 or especially in my forties. Yet many of the patients at Renfrew have to deal with just that. They didn't get the help they needed when they started running down the wrong path and by the time someone offered to help them it was just too late to go any other route than expensive in-patient. What makes it worse is that insurance puts stressors on them that they shouldn't have to deal with.

I'm glad that I got some form of help. Maybe it wasn't the best, but it helped me survive my mother until I moved out and was able to assert my needs better. Boyfriend is even more helpful. Before I wasn't willing to talk about what I was afraid of with anyone (including friends nad therapists) but he has helped me see past the disorder, to see that there is such a long road ahead and that things can get better. THe worst part is that most eating disorders are treatable. It's just that people don't know or don't want or ask for help too late.