Career Changers, Anonymous

So I'm reading the Suze Orman Book- Young, Fabulous and Broke (excellent for basic information) for about the fourth time and trying to make sense of it. She spends nearly a whole chapter on careers and how to deal with starting out in them. Which is where I step in. I'm trying to decide whether or not to stay at my job for another year. I've been here about a year, and gotten a raise, and it's going fairly well. But it's difficult to decide whether I should try something different (to show flexibility) or stick with the same position (to show loyalty). It's amazing to get out in the working world and discover this. That you're actually expected to ork about 50 years of your life, day in and day out. Very confusing. And boring.

I read that women have to be challenged more than men. That's why, this author surmises, so many elect to stay home with their kids. Because it's guaranteed they won't be doing the same thing two days in a row. This author was saying that many men are comfortable with being in their jobs for long periods of time before retiring, while women wanted and needed different things to do. Of course I just read an article in the home paper about a woman who's been the secretary for a local law firm for fifty years. She's 84 and still goes to work every day. It is amazing. Then again, I think, she elected to live in my tiny town in North Carolina.

So I'm on the verge of figuring out where I need to go from here. I wish it were easier. I wish I had a sign from someone that it was time to move on. But so far, nada. There was a job I applied for back in May- when I was convinced I needed to change, and quickly! but I didn't hear from them until today. When they think they might want me in the position. The good news is it pays a lot more than I'm making now, I would have much better benefits, and I'd be doing something I'm thinking about doing anyway. The bad news is I'm probably going to graduate school next fall and am not sure it's worth it to switch careers at this point, for the next ten months.

Some decisions obviously have to be made, and they're going to be serious ones. But I'm hoping that with some guidance I'll be able to make the right ones.

The Race for Retirement

There is one factor of my parents generation that I can't get over. That is, that they are essentially the last generation to be guaranteed retirement benefits. Not only do they have IRAs and 401K plans, they also have pensions and Social Security and health care coverage. My grandmother can live comfortably off both her pension from nursing and my grandfather's since he died. She never had to worry about these things as early as I did.

My aunt and I spoke about it last week at the beach. She asked if I was investing and I said I had started when I was about 20. When she expressed surprise I had started so young, I had to ask if she was really taht surprised? Didn't she listen to the news? We are the first generation to have to deal with the loss of Social Security (since it was founded) with no retirement agreement from our companies- now you're not even expected to stay very long. We have been warned since the mid 1990s that there will be no company matches or stock options for the majority of us, that there isn't a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. With that news, can you blame me for starting early? I began working on my portfolio when I was 19, and from there have invested successfully every year. This year I opened an IRA account because I'm not planning on living off the government when I get old, and they're not planning on supporting me.

It's depressing, when you think about it. You used to get a nice watch and a party when you retired. Now you can't even think about itt until most of your friends are dead. I think it's kind of funny that if my friend B and I talk, there is a large chance our conversation will move towards our future retirements. And we're both under 25.

A Living, Breathing Organism

Okay, so I'm a bit of a craigslist addict. I'll admit it. It's not that difficult to get addicted. First of all, you can find essentially anything you could want. And I mean anything from a sofa to a Steinway to someone to hang out at the bar with. Seriously. My friends date on craigslist, get their furnishings from craigslist. I have reacched out to friends on craigslist, developed connections and really had a chance to look at apartments I wouldn't have even known about with it.

But this isn't really what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about today is trying to get out of the city while being poor. It's not as easy as it sounds. You don't want to put the effort into day trips, and yet you can't afford a Hamptons home. Again, craigslist. Where there is a section specifically for "Housing Swap". Meaning you and someone you don't know switch houses rent free for a day or a week or in some cases, several months. I'm fascinated. I love the idea of being able to do this and trying to work out when I could do this. It's like having a cheap vacation!

So I'm checking into it. Finding out who is willing to put up with a cat in a studio apartment in exchange for me luxuriating at the shore or in the mountains or something. It's very ritzy. Really. In North Carolina, people just pick up vacation homes. THey generally purchase a place at the beach or a lake or just out in the country and then have it at their leisure (unless you have a beach cottage that you rent). But in the North that's not really optional. You can have whatever you want, but at a high price. Someone in NC would never dream of spending $10 million dollars on a house at the beach. And thats the lower end for some of the Hampton areas. But here, it's not only acceptable but practically normal. Such is New York.

And craigslist steps in for those of us without very large disposable incomes. We can swap houses or apartments for a weekend, take off to the country, pretend that you're meant to be living out there, and escape back into the city just in time to fall back into the work week. Sounds like a plan to me.

And She's Back (and better than EVER)

I now understand why people used to make it a habit to go away for the whole summer. It makes perfect sense to me. I mean it. Disappearing for three months seems not only reasonable but wonderful! Then you come home with a whole new perspective and everything. So I took almost two weeks instead. Not only because I don't get three months, but also because I'm not at a point where I can be so transient. I'm not exactly sure how it happened. I guess I got a boyfriend, and then I got a cat. Then a fish. But I imagine the fish wouldn't even notice I wasn't around anymore as long as he was eating. So here i am. Now, in order to travel, i have to arrange a pet-sitter, wonder if boyfriend will remember to take out the trash and then deal with the stuff that piles up on my desk. And there is a lot of stuff.

I came in this morning (first into the office today) and found my desk covered with things I couldn't imagine dealing with. So instead I fixed myself breakfast and started slowly digging through the pile until I came across something more fun. That's the worst part. coming back and finding out no one can actually cover for your life. Wouldn't that be nice? If you came back from your vacation, and your house was clean, laundry fresh, and someone had been paying the bills and going to work for you? That's kind of what I imagine in my fantasy world. Maybe that's an idea for a company. It would be kind of like a temp job but with travel. Like, you would pay someone to take over your life for a couple of weeks while you went on vacation. They would go to your work, handle your family (if that's what you wanted), feed your animals, deal with persistent mother-in-laws or whatever, and make sure that your bills were paid on time and your house was kept up to your standards. I think it would be really neat. Maybe i'll check into that a bit more.

Either way, for right now i"m back at my desk with a ton of stuff to do and little time to do it in if I want to get out of here at a decent hour!

Celebrating with the Transvestites

It seemed particularly appropriate, given that I live in the West Village and am surrounded by Trannies. So when friend C. suggested Lips NYC I thought it was a great idea. We would go, be hit on by gay men dressed as women and enjoy a show. And it was. Located at the corner of Bank Street and Greenwich Ave (right behind Artepasta) at first you think you'll miss it until you notice the male mannequin in the window, dressed completely in a white unitard with lips all over it. Then you walk in, and are greeted by hostesses in ball gowns with opera length gloves. I feel like the "queens' are given pretty much free reign over what they wear. But the outfits are fantastic. And it is definitely the kind of place you go in a group. It was full of bachelorette parties and blow job shots were being handed out all over the place. And they were served exactly like this.

There were only two guys in the group (one being Boyfriend) and I could tell that while this wasn't the most comfortable he had ever been, he had to find it somewhat funny. It's fascinating to me that guys are so much more sensitive about this than girls are. They are really much more aware of what's going on with the "other side". We think drag's hilarious, especially when the guy is gay, but I always think that straight guys view it as something very odd. Of course that's for a different blog.

So we ate there, and it was a RIDICULOUS bill for some people in there twenties, but a lot of fun. The emcee was hilarious, and the routines were very funny. I watched the bachelorettes, who were all insane, obviously. I always admire women who have that many friends willing to take them for their "final" single night out and share in the wonderful nature of marriage. They were wearing light-up penises. Seriously.

So, anyway, happy birthday to me!

The Birthday Celebration

One positive thing about getting older is that you have a lot more choices in how you celebrate your impending birthdate. You can choose not to even mention it and just go about your business that day with a card from your parents. Or you can go crazy and throw a birthday party for yourself, or you can spend a whole weekend celebrating the fact that you are alive and in New York (which was my choice). I'll be spending essentially the whole weekend celebrating before heading back to NC to celebrate with my family and go on vacation- to the beach, no less.

It will start with tonight. Boyfriend is expected to give me my gift at some point this evening. I'm not exactly sure what it is but he seems really excited about it so it's either something I will love or the new video-game console. Yes, that is compromise in relationships. Either way, I'll be glad that he's willing to focus on me that much. Then we'll eat dinner or maybe we'll eat dinner before heading out to a bar or club or something.

I actually won a birthday party at a local bar, but didn't take the offer yet because I wasn't sure what other people wanted to do. I ran into the same issue when I was planning my friend J's bridal shower. No one could give me confirmations of essentially anything until about the day before. It definitely made it difficult to plan. Now i'm running into the same problem with my friends. Trying to get them on the ball before tomorrow so I won't be sitting at home. Since I'm heading out of the state next week for a while it was important that we at least make an effort to get together before then.

And it is a celebration. I'm not quite 25, whichis definitely something to be excited about. I'm living in New York City, the absolute best city in the world. I'm enjoying my life, I have friends and a boyfriend who I love. Overall it's a good time in my life. There are things that could be better and my salary could definitely afford to grow but that will come with time, and age.

6-6-06. We survived it.

I'm actually surprised at the number of suspicious people on this planet. Yesterday was 6-6-06, but for some reason people disregarded the 0 in there and made it into 666, or the sign of the beast. Which beast, you ask? I'm not sure but he must be damn frightening. Women were determined not to give birth, an inordinate number of people called in sick, and people were in general more aware of bad things happening. Plenty of bad things happen all the time but for some reason yesterday held more clout. I'm actually jealous I didn't make more of an effort to be suspicious so I too could have called in sick and maybe stayed home and watched movies like "the Excorcist" all day or something. I'll have to remember it next time. Part of the hype was due to the remake of the movie "The Omen" with Julia Stiles (thats right, people) and that scary little boy from "The Sixth Sense". I am not really sure who his parents are, but he is the most frightening child I can think of. Really. I ha ve to agree with Julia when she says "Something's wrong with Damien." No child that young should have circles the size of saucers under his eyes. Please, parents, take him somewhere tropical and make him take a nap!

But anyway, back to the sign of the beast. 666. The mark of the devil. There are two locations of this in the book of Revelations (Yes, I read EVERYTHING) "He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, 17so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name. 18This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man’s number. His number is 666 (Rev. 13:16–18, NIV). The other one is located in Rev 13:9, when Jesus calls on man to have the wisdom to be wary of the mark. When Hitler was tatooing the Jews, many people considered him the Anti-Christ and some still believe the Jews are marked to go to Hell (I'm sure it wouldn't surprise you that the majority of these people are fundamentalist). Of course Hitler did not mark them all with 666, but you know how people are- they will stretch and exaggerate until they get what they want out of something.

I looked it up online and found a ton of websites analyzing the 666 symbol. One website claims that when the Anti-Christ comes, Because of Satan’s bitterness and his twisted humor, the Antichrist will bring out a literal 666 number in the years ahead. Revelation speaks to the entire Church Age, but it also speaks truths for that brief time at the end. The Devil will do this to fulfill God’s Word in the final years just before the return of Jesus Christ. The Antichrist and the governments will use 666 to identify the people in the world. This will put fearful pressure on Christians and cause much suffering....

The first beast will control the banking system. The Antichrist will then require anyone using the 666 mark to give allegiance to the world system of government. Satan, who controls the world system, will demand that people reject their relationship with Jesus Christ. This will help set the stage for persecution of the Christian Church.

I liked that. I, too, believe that the Government is a bad institution but if for any reason, then for the reason of having too many fundamentalist and strict conservatives in office. So I always find it ironic when people think that the Anti-Christ will take over (you think they're thinking of Democrats?) The idea being that they will mark people with the number 666 on their right hand (the hand of righteousness) and their forehead. Sounds very dramatic. I guess this way God will know who to let into Heaven and who to turn away at the "pearly gates".

But it seems to have all kinds of meaning. Michael Stifel (1486-1567) interpreted it to mean the Roman Pope (guess he was Protestant). But it's also been interpreted as a symbol for Martin Luther, Kaiser Wilhelm, Adolf Hitler (I think I already mentioned that one) and Nero. Effectively that covers almost every religion that is used in the Western World. Asia is left out, but maybe only because they think the idea of assigning 666 to everything that seems bad is futile. Like we are.

Washington Square Park in the Summer

It's become a lot more relaxed walking to work since NYU got out. I think they must have had their JD and PhD graduations in the last few days, since I've been seeing more people walking around dressed up and wearing the weird octagonal cap on their heads They are headed for better things, I hope, sicne they or someone they know has been paying for them to receive their education at NYU or New School or any of those. I'm jealous too, jealous that I didn't think of it sooner, jealous that I thought i would really make it up here with a couple of bachelor's. So now my goals have changed. I don't just want a master's but a doctorate. I want to head to the top of the educational pendulum and swing from it like a monkey on a vine. Who knows if that would benefit me monetarily? I think the important thing is that it would truly make me happy, and in the long run isn't that what we all want?

I've tried for too long to put all my eggs into one basket. To count on certain things happening that I shouldnt' have been. And in realizing that, I'm trying to pull away from it and move into situations where I'll be able to better myself without worrying about others' approval. It was important for me to continue on and I'm doing it. It's a hard decision to apply to grad school this early. I know they're some people who go straight from undergrad, but I always feel like those people are the ones who are afraid to face up to the real world or else they are those crazy people who try and do it all before they're legal to rent a car.

My friend R and I were eating dinner last night, and she was telling me about seeing a friend graduate from UVA last week. She said that they were there and then this really gangly boy walks across the stage to receive either a master's or a doctorate. Who cares? you say. I say you'd better since he was only SIXTEEN years old and already holding an advanced degree in his hand. I wonder what his college experience was like. I can't imagine it was fun. He was probably too young to live in dorms, since he must have started college at 10 or 11, he woudlnt' have been able to date (hello, statutory) and I can't comprehend telling someone "I'd love to go out but have to get permission from my mom" in college. That seemed almost eerie to me. Here I am, almost twenty-four and trying to figure out my life, and he's laready got an advanced degree. He could teach college students. It seems very Doogie Howser, MD to me.

But what does that have to do with Washington Square Park in the summer?

The Break Up ( a movie)

This week was really gross. And weekend. It rained pretty much the whole time, making it hard for me to motivate myself to go anywhere or do anything, much to the dismay of Boyfriend. We did hit up Dave and Buster's, this really neat arcade/restaurant place that actually has decent food. I was pretty shocked. Generally those kinds of combination places have really crappy food which the games are supposed to make up for. So we did DDR, played "slot" machines, and laughed at the tickets we collected that would purchase oh, I don't know, either a New York City change purse, or fake diamond necklace. It was really amusing. I love that kind of crap. Like CHuck E. Cheese but soooo much better.

Also saw "The Break-Up", new movie with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. It makes you never wnat to move in with your significant other. THat's for sure. It also makes you seriously think about living together vs. being married and living together. Watching that, I was wondering what would have happened had they been married. It definitely would have been a lot more complicated than "pack up and get out". It also makes you think about hte risks you take when you merge your life with someone else's. When you put part or even most of your happiness in the hands of someone else. No matter how much you love them it is a risk. And probably the biggest one we take. I know it took me a really long time to trust that Boyfriend wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. And even longer to adapt to the knowledge that he was willing to move five states over just to be with me.

Several of my friends are getting ready or getting married, and in the process quite a few of them are buying houses and condos and starting to share a life together. I'm so impressed with them. Are they playing house or is this for real? Can you really be willing to settle down and spend the next eighty years with the same person, decorate a home together, do the dishes (or yell about not doing the dishes), share a bathroom and living room space and everything that that entails. It's something to think about. One of my friends who is much older got married last year and has to say it's the hardest thing she's ever done. She says that she didn't realize what it would be like to actually live with her husband. Both of them have lived on their own for a really long time, so learning to compromise was difficult. I have barely lived on my own but know that I'm a difficult one to compromise with. I want things my way most of hte time and will try just about anything to get them to that point.

I definitely admire them for pulling their act together, but at the same time want to scream at them that now is the time to make mistakes. To live on the edge (without going over) to not have to worry about a mortgage (something you'll have for the rest of your life), to be young and free and happy. I wonder if our generation is moving in the EXACT OPPOSITE as the generation before us. My parents didn't even think about their retirement before they were in their thirties because it wasn't as big a deal. They knew they would have social security and a 401K plan and everything else would work itself out. Now most of my friends are already concerned about retiring and we're just in our early 20s. We're worried we'll never work for a company that will offer benefits, we'll always be skirting the edge of credit card debt, and we'll have a hard time surviving.

So maybe i just won't worry for it today, and instead be grateful that i have a job and a life I love with people I love in it.

Home Searching is Like Soul Searching

Extraordinarily expensive and ridiculously time consuming. What, you may say, already I'm looking to buy a place in one of the most expensive cities in the world? The answer... yeah. I hate to say it but I'm just like anyone else. I want to own a place. It is extraordinarily difficult. For one, I'm not in a position to buy right now, unless I happen to win the lottery in the next couple of days. but I love looking at houses. I love seeing what's on the market, what's selling, what's not, and why not, and how I will ever be able to manage to afford a place here. I'm hoping that in the next five years I'll come up with enough money to do so. Because it's important to own, as opposed to the thousands and thousands I've thrown out the door in rent in the last few years. When I add it up, I've spent more than $50,000 renting places. That would have been a nice down payment somehwere. And also, I firmly believe the mortgages in NYC would be somewhat less than renting the tiny room I have right now. The only problem comes in when you try and find somewhere you can afford in the first place. I defy you to do it, unless you have a great trust fund at your fingertips, or you work for Goldman Sachs.

I'm curious about why more people are buying now. At least people my age are. I think it's because we live in fear of having nothing to call our own. We won't have social security (set to run out in 2048). We won't have pensions or retirement plans through our company because they no longer do them. The cost of living is going up while salaries are not. Even areas that seem to be staying stagnant are increasing in price. Children are expected to cost an average of $250,000 not including their college education. Raise three and you're looking at close to a million dollars. Don't ask what'll happen if they want to go to Duke or Harvard. Many of my friends already own. Even if they're just townhouses or condos, they are still owned. I really think because in the long run it's cheaper. At least when you're paying your $800 or $1200 dollars a month you're not throwing it away. You're getting something in rerturn. A house to call your own.

Boyfriend and I walk around fantasizing quite a bit. When you're on the UWS or UES, you can't help but want one of those beuatiful old brownstones. I can imagine coming out in the morning with my dog, walkign down to the local cafe to read the paper. Working out at a gym nearby before going to a job I actually like. That would be a nice life. Did I mention this brownstone would be near Central Park and the museums? I would be able to hop over to important exhibits in a heartbeat, or grab a subway to head towards mid-town. In my head I see myself decorating it and it's lovely. And most importantly, it's something to call my own in this city of transient ownership.

Surprise Me, Why Don't You?

The Heat here is shocking. Really. It's barely June and I"m already sweating up a storm anytime I step out of my apartment. Lucy now spends most of her days lying on my desk in front of the air conditioning vents, hoping to cool off. I feel bad for her. I feel baad for anyone with a permanent fur coat in this weather. It was really, really cold for so long I nearly forgot that it was going to get warm again and then boom. Here it is. Sweltering. Did I say that already?

So far I'm slowly dealing with the change and trying to look cute under layers of beading rolling down my forehead. I walk in the heat, wondering why I ever wanted it to get to this temperature in the first place. New York is a surprising city if nothing else. Everyday I make a new discovery. Like there is no in-between time here. Everything is very cut and dried. Seriously. It's awful. One day it's in the forties then it shoots up into the eighties with a ridiculous amount of humidity for aplace made entirely of cement. Air Conditioners drip onto the streets and the people walking the streets. People slow down because they have to and a heaviness rests over the whole place. The dogs are panting and children are crying and whining and have red cheeks.

Yesterday I even saw a fight break out between a cabbie and a rider at Sullivan Street. The cabbie was gesturing wildly and screaming and the man was screaming back while swinging A CRUTCH at his head. Seriously. The man had a crutch. Im not even sure why. So we all stopped to watch. Inoticed that no one took out their cell phone to call the cops but we all observed what was going to be pretty bad. Finally it ended with a bunch of F' yous and the cabbie taking off. I blame it on the heat. Riding along in the backseat of a cab with your legs sticking to the vinyl isn't fun for anyone. Really.